Author Topic: The Moral Compass: Is it wrong to keep people interested in you hanging?  (Read 4378 times)

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Offline SleepingBeau

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You know someone has a thing for you, and you might too, but for whatever reason the timing isn't right and right now you can't say yes. You're also a veteran of the heart and know full well there's plenty of fish in the sea.

Question one: What would you do?

Question two: What would be the right thing to do?
And the cackling coyote said to the wolf, "Then what will be left to eat but the fat off your lies and my gamey pointless riddles?"

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Offline Risha Kalsyhan

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Re: The Moral Compass: Is it wrong to keep people interested in you hanging?
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2013, 04:11:16 AM »
Take one:

I've only ever been on the receiving end of that particular gun, and so my experience is this in its entirety: It is impolite to leave your interest-ist hanging. Either say no, or humor them.

Take two:

Though the time isn't right, it may just be that this particular proverbial fish is a keeper. If you feel that this is the case, know that you can keep them waiting without leaving them hanging. Hook the fish while you still can, but don't let anyone or anything pressure you to reel it in right away. Politely explain to your interest-ist that, while you are interested, they simply have to wait. Don't be afraid to make promises.

Take three:

Why are you asking us this?
Yes, we are going to fight back. But not here, not now, not in the Colonies. Not even in this star system. Let the word go forth to every man, woman and child who survived this holocaust. Tell them to set sail at once in every assorted vehicle that will carry them.

Battlestar Galactica (1978)

Offline SleepingBeau

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Re: The Moral Compass: Is it wrong to keep people interested in you hanging?
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2013, 06:09:43 AM »
Ah..there's a guy, and I owe him the respect of a proper reply. I thought it might be an interesting question to ask people and I kind of want to look into it a little more to strengthen my resolve so I can weather the intervening time without lapsing into distracting tension. :P

I usually keep my interests to myself if there isn't anything I could do about it. It's so much easier to manage than two people knowing the other wants them, but I got bored of enduring and something I did precipitated some questions. The circumstance called for being truthful soooo I kind of trapped myself through my carelessness.

I also grew up pretty hetero-normative in a hetero-normative community. It wasn't until after high-school that I came around to also liking more than just girls so I'm still not very confident in myself as the one being chased. It's weird being on all sides of the battleground at once... Anyway, I thought it might be nice if other people had something to share on the subject.
And the cackling coyote said to the wolf, "Then what will be left to eat but the fat off your lies and my gamey pointless riddles?"

Offline Risha Kalsyhan

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Re: The Moral Compass: Is it wrong to keep people interested in you hanging?
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2013, 04:15:51 PM »
You, my friend, would be a very interesting person to meet in person. That being said, let me get this straight.

You were originally heterosexual, or so you thought, and you only recently found your true self. You were used to chasing girls, and now you find yourself the one chased. Thanks to no one's foolishness but your own, a situation has been thrust upon you which you are ill-prepared to face.

Think of this as your entrance exam to the Academy of Inexact Science. Regardless of the outcome, this situation is is how you are going to learn to handle situations like it.

My advice is to simply play it by ear. There is no right or wrong way to do this.
« Last Edit: December 24, 2013, 08:00:58 PM by RichTheWolf257 »
Yes, we are going to fight back. But not here, not now, not in the Colonies. Not even in this star system. Let the word go forth to every man, woman and child who survived this holocaust. Tell them to set sail at once in every assorted vehicle that will carry them.

Battlestar Galactica (1978)

Offline SleepingBeau

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Re: The Moral Compass: Is it wrong to keep people interested in you hanging?
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2013, 10:59:19 PM »
Heh I've given it a lot of thought. As far as anyone could possibly determine I was, inside and out, completely hetero. I'm not sure I really believe in any sense of 'true self'. I was just one thing and then I grew into something else, as we normally do every day :).

Thanks to no one's foolishness but your own, a situation has been thrust upon you which you are ill-prepared to face.
Haha yes, we give it the name 'inexperienced' and it's a thing everyone faces at least once in everything they do.

I'm afraid I don't do well when playing uncertain situations by ear. It's been a cause of a lot of grief for me and a catalyst for many sweeping changes to core parts of myself. I would wish it were different but I've gained some pretty worthwhile pro's to outweigh the con's. One of the pro's is a philosophers ability to deconstruct situations into its pieces and see how they work. One of the con's is that many people don't really look that far, and look quizzically at me when I talk about things that way. X)

...let me get this straight.
Teeheehee...
And the cackling coyote said to the wolf, "Then what will be left to eat but the fat off your lies and my gamey pointless riddles?"

Offline Risha Kalsyhan

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Re: The Moral Compass: Is it wrong to keep people interested in you hanging?
« Reply #5 on: December 24, 2013, 11:21:23 PM »
I guess I kinda walked into that one. X3

Since playing things by ear isn't your strong suit, I don't know what advice to give you. Love, if you want to call it that, is a game of instinct. In situations of uncertainty, Instinct and Faith are the only arrows in your quiver. Use them in that order and hope for the best.
Yes, we are going to fight back. But not here, not now, not in the Colonies. Not even in this star system. Let the word go forth to every man, woman and child who survived this holocaust. Tell them to set sail at once in every assorted vehicle that will carry them.

Battlestar Galactica (1978)

Offline Liram

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Re: The Moral Compass: Is it wrong to keep people interested in you hanging?
« Reply #6 on: December 25, 2013, 05:33:47 AM »
Well I know that sometimes it can be difficult to find the right amount of "no" to use. I'm actually still looking for that amount myself, when you're friends first and you want to stay friends hinting seems like your way out. I've found that so far it has only hopelessly entangled things. I always try to act the gentleman, though sometimes I know I fall short, and it's just difficult to say no in a polite fashion for me. Good luck

Offline SleepingBeau

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Re: The Moral Compass: Is it wrong to keep people interested in you hanging?
« Reply #7 on: December 26, 2013, 10:58:30 PM »
Heh, thank you Liram. Yus, subtle hinting is always tempting but that's kind of one of the problems with me and the boy XD. That's what he was doing before. I knew his feelings for me even if he didn't say so but I'm a lot more guarded so he couldn't tell I liked him, and combined with the fact that I didn't reciprocate he thought I wasn't interested in him at all.

I have a history of bad luck with subtle hints XD. All throughout highschool there were a plethora of girls interested in me but I never picked up on it till yeaaaaaars later when I learned better. And even now one of my very close girl friends miiiight have a thing for me, I think at one point she had started to say so but something interrupted her and when I asked her later what she was going to say she went shy-mode and just shook her head. Based on what she did say up until the interruption, plus a few other tells, I'm pretty sure I knew exactly what she was trying to say, so I subtly acknowledged what I thought she was subtly building up to, and that was followed by a nice long awkward silence after I subtly pointed out I couldn't. And then from there it just gets more complicated hah.

No, I need to be more clear with my intentions(and I would urge you to do the same!). 'Subtle' is a very prenicious(evil/harmful) tool. The most common outcome is that both people aren't sure the other said/understood, and if they don't notice it at all then the whole thing was pointless anyway. Not to mention that it's so easy to accidentally imply something when you hadn't meant to. It just turns everything into a labyrinth of 'did they really say..?' that you have to keep track of. After so much of that mess I'm now very careful to not be subtle about anything serious. I leave subtlety for fun and frivolity. If other people are serious enough about what they want to say then they're going to say so outright. Otherwise, I try not worry about what I might miss. No one is perfect and it's easy for even the brightest of individuals to miss the most obvious of ploys when they aren't paying attention :P.
And the cackling coyote said to the wolf, "Then what will be left to eat but the fat off your lies and my gamey pointless riddles?"

Offline SleepingBeau

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Re: The Moral Compass: Is it wrong to keep people interested in you hanging?
« Reply #8 on: December 26, 2013, 11:13:05 PM »
In situations of uncertainty, Instinct and Faith are the only arrows in your quiver. Use them in that order and hope for the best.
I guess this would be a terrible time to expound my lack of faith in faith and the questionable use of instincts in a time and place we haven't really evolved to just yet. :P

I'm a big science buff and things that have to do with the brain are one of my bigger interests. A noticeable trend in the development of mental illnesses is something along the lines of how we aren't suited for a lot of the societal structures in our current modern society. Some instincts will lead you to jail, do not pass go. Others will make you go insane :(. And a lot of my instincts in particular are more aggressive, passive, possessive and utilitarian than the average person. One of my first steps to improving my romantic and sexual success was overcoming those instincts lol. I talk a lot more...mechanical about love and sex than I actually express in real life, though. I've just had to make a lot of complicated judgement calls and thinking about them logically has saved me and some of my friends a lot of heartache.

I want to hear about your experiences, though :). Would you care to share? And don't worry, I have plenty of cringe-worthy stories of my own!
And the cackling coyote said to the wolf, "Then what will be left to eat but the fat off your lies and my gamey pointless riddles?"

Offline SleepingBeau

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Re: The Moral Compass: Is it wrong to keep people interested in you hanging?
« Reply #9 on: January 06, 2014, 02:42:05 AM »
Well, I initially wanted to keep this as a purely theoretical discussion but since I already started with the related real life problem I might as well conclude it;

I talked more with the boy and we both learned that we liked each other more than we thought the other did. I fully explained the situation of why I couldn't but assured him that it had nothing to do with him. Some nice words were exchanged and I told him I'd like to see if we can try things again when the situation permits. He also learned that he missed getting lucky once or twice in the passed. Poor boy. I feel a little guilty when compassion and seduction fight over the things I should say and not say.  :P
And the cackling coyote said to the wolf, "Then what will be left to eat but the fat off your lies and my gamey pointless riddles?"