Author Topic: Zombies and Zombie stories  (Read 3991 times)

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Offline Wraa

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Zombies and Zombie stories
« on: December 30, 2014, 08:35:38 PM »
Maybe it's a bit overdone by now, but I've had zombie fiction on the brain for a long time.
In fact I have a zombie story that I started a few years ago, and just never have finished.
Heck I can't even think of a title for it.

That said, I wouldn't mind getting people's opinions, thoughts, comments, etc, on it.

Just to get the mood going, here is a short little journal piece that works as a stand alone bit:
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« Last Edit: December 31, 2014, 03:12:48 PM by Wraa »
"You don't wheedle the god of the Dragons, even if he is your father."

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Zombies and Zombie stories
« on: December 30, 2014, 08:35:38 PM »

Offline Dreaker

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Re: Zombies and Zombie stories
« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2014, 10:04:06 PM »
The journal was good and liked the irony in it but I think PPS needs some working on.
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Offline Wraa

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Re: Zombies and Zombie stories
« Reply #2 on: December 30, 2014, 10:35:33 PM »
Dreaker, I've seen a various acronyms for PPS, to what are you referring to specifically in this instance?
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Offline SleepingBeau

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Re: Zombies and Zombie stories
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2014, 02:12:33 AM »
Don't know what Dreaker may be referring to, but what I see is that perhaps you might skip referring to it as a waterproof journal. Doesn't seem likely that someone would write that. It would probably be very obvious to whoever picks it up, and I can't imagine why the distinction would pop into the writers head at that moment.

A few other notes:

-People tend to write differently than they speak, and I noticed that the writing style you used seems to veer closer to spoken dialogue rather than the filter of writing things by hand. Perhaps it's just a personal bias that's coloring my eyes, in which case disregard this comment. You'd know best what you wrote, though, so I'll leave that to you. Just thought I'd mention it.

-Also, the fellow is dying, correct? Perhaps a slight change of tone and a little less verbosity to reflect his state of mind. Unless that's a personal trait of his, of course.

Quote
Now days
-Nowadays

Quote
The thing is, I’ve heard plenty of tales from other groups about the trials they’ve faced in surviving out there, and somehow they always place the emphasis on just how dangerous the zombies are. They never manage to say anything about the other stuff that kills you just as dead.
-This works so long as your hero doesn't encounter anyone that's been roughing it for more than two weeks. I don't see many people making it longer than two weeks before encountering the dangers of uncivilized environments, especially if you're doing a lot of highly active moving around and fighting. At the very least they'll have realized the importance and desperation of food, water, and shelter. Since you're doing the journal as a part of a bigger hole, this might become relevant.

-And then in a bunch of spots there are places where you used commas where you should have used periods, or commas where you didn't need any. As most people do. :P

Thoughts:

Overall it wasn't outstandingly compelling. The irony theme is neat and novel, but perhaps not substantial enough in such a short story to carry the whole of it. It's more like...icing on the cake?

I'm glad you didn't do the over-the-top drama and emotional whiplash that overpopulates so much modern media. I, personally, appreciated it, but I also realize that if you want to reach the biggest % of consumers you'll probably want to add in more bleeding heart sillyness and visit a few more tropes. "Spice it up a little", as they might say.
And the cackling coyote said to the wolf, "Then what will be left to eat but the fat off your lies and my gamey pointless riddles?"

Offline Dreaker

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Re: Zombies and Zombie stories
« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2014, 08:27:28 AM »
Dreaker, I've seen a various acronyms for PPS, to what are you referring to specifically in this instance?
P.P.S. I just was lazy puting the dots there and what I wanted to say it's a bit off I couldn't put my finger on until

but what I see is that perhaps you might skip referring to it as a waterproof journal. Doesn't seem likely that someone would write that. It would probably be very obvious to whoever picks it up, and I can't imagine why the distinction would pop into the writers head at that moment.
SleepingBeauty helped me out.


-And then in a bunch of spots there are places where you used commas where you should have used periods, or commas where you didn't need any. As most people do. :P
It's beyond my comprehension how English language uses commas.
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Offline Wraa

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Re: Zombies and Zombie stories
« Reply #5 on: December 31, 2014, 03:12:18 PM »
Dreaker, ah, sorry, yesterday was pretty chaotic. I should have figured that out.
Sleepingbeau, It is a fair point. I suppose I had him state that it is waterproof more out of the thought that the reader would not be able to 'see' this journal, and know that it was waterproof. Perhaps leading to question how does the guy expect it to last, but maybe I'm over thinking it.

His writing/dialogue style was deliberate in this case, but it is still a valid observation.

The 'verboseness' is based a bit on my own tenancy to get more verbose when I am nervous. He's just been bit, and knows only that he has a limited time. He'd be more upset, but he is truthfully a bit frustrated at his turn of luck, and the loss of his friends. I tend to think he, like myself, was someone who considered himself ready for the zombie  apocalypse, only to have found he wasn't nearly as ready as he thought.

He's a bit bitter about it.  :lol:

Nowadays, got it, thanks!

As far as running into someone who has been at it longer than two weeks, it's implied he (and his group) did run in to others, which is why he was annoyed that no one ever mentioned anything but the zombie dangers. At least I thought it sounded annoyed. I may need to make that a bit more clear. One might consider, any group that is in a survival situation may well be discussing the 'largest threat', and in a zombie outbreak, zombies and discussions about such would likely be the order of the day for most. They might well take it for granted that others also surviving know how to avoid the mundane things out there.

As far as the lack of a compelling nature, well, it is designed to be a short little stand alone bit. Not part of a greater whole of anything else. Granted, it could show up inside of another story as a minor detail, but I tend to think it would lessen whatever impact it held. I didn't want it to be over the top, or such, just something that felt... human? Perhaps?

"You don't wheedle the god of the Dragons, even if he is your father."

Offline SleepingBeau

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Re: Zombies and Zombie stories
« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2014, 08:26:23 PM »
Aha, yes, I always find those cases interesting, where the author (or me myself) needs/wants to tell the reader something but struggles to find an appropriate place to say it. At least to me I believe it's a little too obvious where you had it there. Perhaps you could start your story with a narrative, of someone else trekking through the zombie wasteland and discovering the journal (oh my! a short story within a short story! how meta!), or add the journal itself to the entry (maybe falling debris from the collapsed building rips up the protagonists bag and destroys some food and other urgent supplies and he sarcastically gives thanks for the inedible extra durable travel-journal that survived while everything else was wrecked). That way you get the relevant information in and also add to the story without seemingly like you're trying to wedge something in that shouldn't be there.

I didn't want it to be over the top, or such, just something that felt... human? Perhaps?

And I'd believe it. I've always liked the real touch of human reality over super-human theatrics that plays itself off as real, even though I realize that most people prefer things glamored up.

Sorry, I didn't mean to say that it lacked a compelling nature (ah, fun with regionally bound default tones and expressions), I only meant to say that as a short-story unattached to anything else I'm not sure it could totally support itself. A longer story, perhaps a more-or-less complete journal rather than the last page would make a bigger impact, I believe. Something like a story in a zombie apocalypse in which very little content actually speaks of the zombies directly. Brief encounters here and there, but mostly stories of attempting to survive and the sad parting of people through means that could occur even without the zombie apocalypse. With the entry as short as that it's difficult to get pulled in sufficiently to put yourself in his shoes. That might be my personal bias however, so I do not claim this opinion as anything but a reflection of my personal experience.
And the cackling coyote said to the wolf, "Then what will be left to eat but the fat off your lies and my gamey pointless riddles?"

Offline Wraa

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Re: Zombies and Zombie stories
« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2014, 09:12:32 PM »
That's all fair.
It was written completely as a stand alone bit. It was never meant really to go beyond that, just a quick little stream of thoughts that I wondered if people would find a nice, quick and easy little read.

Within the context of a full story, such as someone finding said journal (and perhaps a zombie matching the description), might work better, giving some further context, depth, and perhaps emotional punch, without having to force such things as the aforementioned issue with the noting of the 'waterproofness'.

So yeah, I do completely agree that it wouldn't think it would stand on it's own as a full thing. Though perhaps a short (read very short) film, could include flashbacks, and provide more detail.
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Offline Wraa

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Re: Zombies and Zombie stories
« Reply #8 on: March 27, 2015, 10:54:25 PM »
"You don't wheedle the god of the Dragons, even if he is your father."

Offline Dreaker

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Re: Zombies and Zombie stories
« Reply #9 on: March 28, 2015, 06:43:10 AM »
Was an interesting read.
Side note: The guy is sick. Filming a girl being eaten?
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Offline Wraa

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Re: Zombies and Zombie stories
« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2015, 06:12:01 PM »
Sick? Maybe. I think as with so many times we have seen this, people getting assaulted, people being sexually abused, fights, etc, we've seen this over and over, there is a person watching, taking video with their camera, yet they don't intervene. They don't stop to help. The whole 'It's a train wreck but I can't look away.' mindset.

I don't know if he is sick, or perhaps just representative of a percentage of people  who are just out there.

I'm glad it was at least an interesting read.
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Offline Dreaker

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Re: Zombies and Zombie stories
« Reply #11 on: March 31, 2015, 06:11:46 PM »
Ahh.. Right. Internet and real world made me look things far darker then they really are.
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Offline Wraa

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Re: Zombies and Zombie stories
« Reply #12 on: March 31, 2015, 06:18:33 PM »
George Romero always liked to include a bit of social commentary with his zombies. :)
"You don't wheedle the god of the Dragons, even if he is your father."